Are African American Families Responsible for "DL" Brotha's? (And inadvertantly contributing to the HIV infection rate in black women?)

At some point, and who dares suggest when, “sup!”, “baby daddy”, sagging pants, Escalades on 22’s, “bling” and hip – hop have all become synonymous with the African-American male, and as “flattering” as all of that may seem (and that’s usually depending upon who you are and where you come from) we have yet another affectation to add to our repertoire. Somewhere, neatly tucked between the mattress and box spring, and right next to the gun, probation papers and demo-tape; there a quite a few who will emphatically argue that you can also find membership to a society of African American men so secret that even their wives, girlfriends, friends and family members are clueless as it relates to their membership.

What type of club could possibly exist that is shrouded in such secrecy that it could very well destroy the lives of men and subsequently, the lives of those who love them? A gathering of men who have wives as well as mistresses? A fraternal order with an agenda of hate? A society of married men with secondary families? A portion of that may very well be true because some of these men are indeed married and lead double – lives, yet, for some reason there are just as many single men who have chosen a similar existence. If given the choice, however, many of these men would choose to die a horrible death rather than to be “found out”. What makes this secret paramount of all secrets, a secret so coveted that many men would rather admit to sleeping with his wife’s sister? This assemblage of men come together with one common goal – the desire to be intimate, loved, and or, touched by other men.

According to the latest CDC statistics, African-American women are twenty times more likely to contract HIV than white women, and while African Americans only account for thirteen percent of the U.S. population, what I find truly alarming is the fact that African Americans account for half of the U.S. HIV infections. So, while not disagreeing with those numbers - as I have complete confidence in the people who have devoted time into researching them, I am not as emphatic regarding the implication behind them.

How does one alter the HIV/AIDS epidemic within the African – American bisexual male without first, visiting the justification behind those bisexual men? As the current trend in pop-culture seems to have become laying blame for these numbers and their contribution to the breakdown of the African American family on the shoulders of the “DL brotha”, (while realistically, that breakdown began as early slavery) it is just as alarming that no one seems to be willing to call to task the African American family for their hand in creating the “DL brotha”.

“Faggot! Punk! Sissy! Gay! Funny!” Depending upon who you are and the context of your delivery, directing one of these terms at an African American male can either get you dismissed as a hater or just as easily, get you a quick beat down and as a kid growing up in a not so typical African American household, I reflect upon my own youth and entree’ into adulthood where, rare was the occasion that I recall a time when either of those words were directed toward someone as a term of “endearment”.

As mightily as I try, not once, do I remember witnessing someone walk up to a father and his thirteen year old son to offer, “Man, your little faggot has some serious speed; you should try to get him on the track team.” or, “Girl, I remember when I used to change his diapers, now look at him, he turned out to be a handsome lil’punk!” Words such as these foster and inspire self-loathing, self-hatred, embarrassment and ultimately, the desire for a child to distance himself from any, and all things gay or, “faggot-like”.

These derogatory comments and “observations” are often used in everyday conversation by fathers, brothers, uncles, mothers, and in some cases, even “granny” had a comment about the “bull-dagga” down the street, so what child struggling to understand his/or her own sexual identity dare reveal those feelings to the very same people who have all but told them that their sin is greater than that of a murderer on the “sin chart”? Reveal that you are gay or bisexual to the very same people who have inadvertently addressed you with repulsion? – I just don’t see inviting that type of misery into your own life. After bearing witness to many of the issues that we have as it relates to homosexuality, are we now doing a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn, by suddenly suggesting to the very same people who we’ve made to feel unneeded, unwanted and un-human, that they should now open up and be “real” with us? How dare we suggest, after a lifetime of boldly conveying our hatred for homosexuality, that someone is required to approach us with the revelation that, “I too, am a faggot!”

For as long as I’ve been old enough to understand my own observances, I’ve noticed that we, as African Americans, place an awful lot of value on what the people next door think, and while it is an absolute truth that we will band together when the “goin’ gets tough”, it’s hard to understand why so many of us abandon one another when it comes to sexuality? Why don’t we focus more on self and unconditional love?

In a lot of cases, the drug addicted family member that we hide our valuables from when he stops by for a visit is more welcomed into our homes and gets more respect than the sister whose only crime is that she’s in love with another sister. I’ve personally gone into homes where there were pictures on the walls and atop the television of the son who is serving a life-sentence in prison, and in some cases for murder while you’d have to search to find a photograph of the son who paid his own way through college, bought his own home, his own car and has never even received a parking ticket. We’re ashamed of him because he has a voice that is higher than we deem it should be, or dare I say, because his eyebrows are arched. Why? Because he chooses to love another man and even with all of his accomplishments, this man, the only college graduate in the family, is somehow, still an embarrassment.

Why are some so quick to point out the passages in the bible that single out homosexuality, but have no problem making room at the table for the uncle who brings his girlfriend to the family reunion while his wife is at home – again, homosexuality seems to be the “bigger” sin, while adultery is totally excused as it appears that the entire family participates in the cover up.
Is it acceptable for a man to worship Michael Jordan, lie to his brother, covet his neighbor’s wife, commit adultery, and steal from his job and get a pass as he breaks five of the Ten Commandments for nothing more than the fact that he breaks them as a heterosexual, while we literally search the bible for a passage that speaks of homosexuality in an effort to demonize the homosexual? People in general, have a tendency to pick which laws in the bible we choose to be governed by, which are usually the ones that apply to everyone else. So, while we negate the fact that we don’t live our lives according to the Gospel, we create a diversion so that we don’t have to deal with ourselves so – “How ‘bout them punks?”

At some point in our society, homosexuality has inched its way up the sin hierarchy to take its place as the ultimate sin and this writer just does not believe that it’s fair to the millions of same gender-lover people who work, love and lead productive lives to continue this destructive trend.
The black family, the black church and the black community as a whole has jumped on the “gays are evil” bandwagon and damaged our children to the point that when they become men, they forgo who they truly are in an effort to please society, but most importantly, to please those closest to them, and those people are usually friends and family members. There are more black men who marry and have children, yet lead the “DL” lifestyle because the black community dictates that they are supposed to be married, and not necessarily because they want to be, than most realize. Many gay or bisexual men live in cities far away from the realities of “home” because the reality is that it’s more acceptable to be who you are from afar because we don’t want to see it. Where are the statistics for the number of men and women who are HIV positive because they don’t love themselves enough to truly care about protecting themselves from a possibly deadly disease? Do we accept that many of those self esteem issues come from a lack of support at home?

Society dictates that as a black man by the time you are twenty-three, you are supposed to have at least three children with two baby mommas and at least one woman on the side – but it doesn’t have to be. We need to love ourselves and our children enough to ensure that they know that no matter what they are or who they become, family is a bond that nobody, no disease, and no orientation can break.

The African American male’s disappointment with his effeminate son is evident, whereas whether the white man likes his son’s choices or not, many are tolerant of it, and in a lot of cases the lover/boyfriend becomes a part of the family.

As African-Americans, we have to become more conscious of the affect that our personal beliefs have on the children within our communities, allowing our children to become who they are on their own, so while I believe that most of us understand that we have to love our child because of who she is, the epiphany comes when we understand that there may very well come a time when you have to love that child despite who she is.




Discuss.....
**(Photograph above is a model)

They Called Janet "fake" for Years While Many Female Celebs were Called, "Real" Women - But is it Just Me, or is She the Only One Who Actually Looks Like an Earthling These Days?

We've all heard the stories, "She's had a rib removed!", She's had a nose job!", "Her breast ain't real!""She has a weave!" - "She's fake!" I've visited a number of blogs, websites, and I can't even begin to take a guess at the number of heated "debates" I've had with friends on how "real" Janet Jackson is, so I've decided to do some investigating on my own, particularly because as I grew weary of the comparisons of Janet to real black women, it was quite strange to me that so many of my female associates have such an issue with Janet enhancing her beauty.

Now, I ain't gon' lie, I've gotten quite a few "deer in the headlight" stammers, but even more, "I know the hell you didn't!" stares as I've duly noted during some of these "fake" discussions that, "You have on fake eye lashes, fake hair, fake fingernails, fake, hazel eyes, and you're carrying a fake Louis Vuitton bag, I'm concerned about someone like you feeling the obligation to point out who qualifies on the real-o-meter."

For a long time, I've heard so many brothers say things like, "I prefer a woman like Mary J, because she's real... Janet is fake." (Wait a minute, was Mary born with blue eyes and blonde hair... or did she purchase HER shit just like Janet?) Of course, when confronted with that little observation, the tides change and then it's not about the realness of the look anymore, then we begin to attack Janet's character, "Look at the way she talks, she know damn well she don't talk like that, it's fake!" (Wait a minute, didn't Janet Jackson, grow up in a mansion, have maids and servants and the best that money can buy? Doesn't it stand to reason that she may very well "talk like that"??)

Many compared Janet to real women like Vivica Fox, Lil Kim and Halle Berry (who enhanced that big honker in the center of her face as well, but that's another story for another day), but I find it interested that when you compare Janet to many of those real women today, isn't she the only one who still looks like a human being? People have talked about Janet's "fake" cheekbones, etc., and I've found pictures of her as a teen where she looks the same as a 17 year old that she does now, she simply has a thinner nose and bigger breast (and what's wrong with that?)

You be the judge:

Chris Rocks Mom: "The Crackers in Cracker Barrel Wouldn't Serve Me a Cracker!"

Rose Rock, the mother of comedian Chris Rock, claims she was racially discriminated against when she was seated but ignored for more than a half hour at a Cracker Barrel restaurant along the South Carolina coast.
Rock said Tuesday she planned to sue the Lebanon, Tenn.-based company. A Cracker Barrel spokeswoman said the restaurant chain was investigating and taking the complaint "very seriously."
Cracker Barrel has in the past faced numerous lawsuits and a federal inquiry over complaints of refusing to serve black customers, discriminating against minority workers and firing gay employees. The company has taken steps to rebuild its folksy image and reach out to minorities.
Rock, who is from Georgetown, said she and her 21-year-old daughter were the only blacks at the chain's Murrells Inlet restaurant in April. She said when she asked the manager about the delay she was told they could have a free meal.
"He never called over the waitresses and asked, `Why did these people sit here for an hour without service?'" she said. "The only thing he said was we could have a free meal and neither of us wanted to eat."
Cracker Barrel spokeswoman Julie Davis said the company doesn't "tolerate any form of discrimination."
"It has always been a violation of our policies and procedures and it is neither condoned nor allowed," she said. "We do not allow the type of behavior you are describing," Davis said.
Rock said she contacted the South Carolina Human Affairs Commission and was told her complaint would be handled, but "nothing ever happened."
The head of the commission, Jesse Washington, said Tuesday that after initial discussions, the complaint was finalized Aug. 7 and his agency also was investigating. He would not comment on the complaint.
"We get thousands of charges coming through here in the course of a year," he said. "It's not out of line _ the time frame on this. It is being investigated and we will be in touch with her when we have a report."
The Rev. Al Sharpton will join Rock on Wednesday in South Carolina to announce that Sharpton's Action Network will finance the planned lawsuit.
"I'm getting reports from all over the country about Cracker Barrel," Sharpton said from New York on Tuesday.
He also said state officials are slow to act on such complaints.
"When people are talking about there is no more discrimination, a lot of it is because they are not following this stuff up," Sharpton said.
Cracker Barrel, established in 1969, operates 547 restaurants in 41 states, according to the company's Web site.
Georgetown is about 60 miles northeast of Charleston.

OK, this is my first time doing this, so bare with me - I'm learning as I go!

Concept: We've all gotten them, and most of us have enjoyed them whether we're willing to admit it or not; Those emails full of stories and pictures from award shows, celebrity parties, and not so "private" events. I know I've had (and forwarded) more than my share while "working" (and don't front, so have you). They help many of us get through those dreadfully long, and uneventful days in the office.

Watching Brad and Angelina, or Beyonce' and Jay Z literally be chased through the aisles at the grocery store, makes many of you feel great about the simplicity of your lives, but for others, the glitz, glamour and frivolous spending of spoiled rotten celebrities literally makes you ill with envy - particularly on those days when you've picked up your cell phone to make a call and that lady (who is she, by the way?) says, "We're sorry, your service has been temporarily disconnected, due to non payment. Please contact...blah blah blah" (I hate that chick!)

What is it that puts a smile on your face when you're having a bad day? Celebrity, Giggles, Gossip & Mess, what else? I came up with this concept after deleting in excess of 200 or so emails a day from a group of friends where we'd share stories, articles and pictures and then commented on them ALL DAY LONG (I can't tell you guys how many times I've had to delete email because IT sent me a notice indicating that I've "reached inbox capacity") - so I figured, "Hey, I'll create a site, tailored just for me and my friends, I'll edit it at home to prevent being fired and I'll call it what we call ourselves, The Giggles, Gossip & Mess Crew. (Is that not sad?)

GGM (Giggles, Gossip & Mess) is an exclusive club and we have our own language, so I figure if you're gonna get the privilege of joining us on this "Isle of Love", it's only fair that you learn to speak the language.

• Stoop - Really, dumb. Ridiculously, sad. Crazy. ex; (Whitney was stoop for marrying Bobby in the 1st place.)
• Michealize - This is a term used for people, celebs, civilians, etc who have blown up and are shining on their own. (Hence, Tito and the other fellas never quite came with it, but Micheal stood out, and made a name for himself) ex; Beyonce' Michealized from Destiny's Child, as Justin Timberlake Michealized from N'Sync
• -Flacious - This word is interchangeable, just add it to the end of any word and it pretty much means anything you want it to mean, ex; "Anytime I see Lil Kim these days, she looks shameflacious!" or, "If anybody believes that Beyonce' didn't know that she copied Janet's Rhythm Nation video on her last awards show performance is stoopflacious.
• Ug & Lee - Simply put, "Ugly"

Many of the others will make sense, just follow along or shoot me an email with any questions.

Sections

1. "I quit this beotch!" - Breakups, people walking off, or being fired from the job.
2. "Artist of the Month" - CD/Movie reviews; featured actors, actresses, singers, writers, and people famous for absolutely no reason (Paris Hilton)
3. "Is it just me...?" - Things that make you go "hmm" - everyday observances.
4. "You Stoop" - Idiot of the day/week/month
5. Who in the hell left the gate open?" - Photos of celebrity and civilian hot messes!
6. Celebrity News - Do you really have to ask.
7. Who am I? - Occasionally, we'll post a few things that are in the "underground" news, now these items are on the "hush, hush" so don't tell nobody, occasionally, we'll throw a few of them out there at you to see which of our viewers are astute enough to figure them out. (Remember, these are just rumors, most are true, many have a ring of truth to them, but nobody REALLY knows the FULL story)